Love, Dearest Joe, and Traitors

By William Adom

Love, Dearest Joe, and Traitors

William Adom, a gay Anglican member of Changing Attitude Nigeria, published three meditations to the CAN online news group. William reflects on his understanding of love, the joy and pain of his love for Joe, and the betrayal of governments and church leaders.

He writes in the context of the Nigerian bill which seeks to outlaw gay marriage and gay associations. He describes a Christian conviction of creative love between lesbian and gay Africans, and a profound hope in God’s future which will bring justice for all.


That abstract psychological construct called love, indefinable yet inescapable. Theist or non-theist , potent or impotent, all seek as a matter of necessity to love and be loved.

But for my genuine concern about the proper use of words I wouldn’t have had any problem regarding how people want to live their lives. But bitter enough the word love has been terribly battered, it is aggrieved. it needs regeneration.

Genuine love is not something physical; it is essentially spiritual. It transcends beyond materialism to spiritualism. This thus refutes the materialist conception of love . Love is not mechanical. You cannot lure or pester someone into it because it is a state of the mind, an ideal which must be cultivated and nurtured because genuine love does not come by chance but choice, a resolute choice of a partner and complete attachment to the person one has chosen to share his life and love with.

It calls for commitment and mutual fidelity. To be in love with somebody is to be psychologically and emotionally attached to that person such that both of you become one true love.

Love is not boring but sweet, it is not easily angered, it doesn’t keep records of wrongs, it is patience, it is forgiving, it is not self seeking, it is selfless, true love never fails , it is no sin, it is a fulfilment of the divine law. Biblically, it is time we stopped the abuse of the sweet little word l-o-v-e…

To everyone, I wish you all true love.

Dearest Joe

Do I care enough? And if I do, why am I enjoying being with this man?

I should be thinking- he is a power, is like a magnet.

Joe, yes ….I am afraid I love you very much. I am sorry for both of us. What is it about love that makes it so elusive?

Another day, another story begins in my life, it is either that I am better than yesterday or worse than today. But I have the joy to show for everything that I am living for the memories of the good times I cherished.

Another page will definitely begin. I decided writing on Joe my heartthrob in South Africa, yes what will a brother do in the mix of give us our rights and all that. I care in a special way, commitment demands skills and plain damned hard work. You came along from out of nowhere, you took my heart and found it free. Wonderful dreams, wonderful schemes from nowhere make every hour sweet for me.

But sometimes I feared that you don’t love me as passionately as I love you but I know that you care. Each night my dreams are of you particularly chatting me up on the bed. I wish I could see you and hold you, I imagine things we could do to one another. I miss you terribly my love. This month has been the longest of my life. I dare not even guess how much longer we must wait to be together.

Yes we met on net, I was just another lad in that picture you saw, without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own… you make every day passionate.

Holy Thursday, the night Jesus called us not servants but friends, the night that he prayed to God to protect us his friends from evil. What will I do without. Sometimes I don’t understand but I love you and don’t want to lose you. I would give up this life, give up anything, why am I writing this line? Are you listening, out there in the night sky with the half moon coming up over the lake at Johannesburg, life seems to be nothing without you, I believe in you.

A wave of dependent affection flowed through me. I want to desperately call you mine… Joe be mine.


Another year, another year ended and I take stock. I step back twelve months into time. I flip through the pages of my life to look at plans I made and how many of these I realised. Each day I draw or take one step closer to my grave. I’m sure it sounds morbid to talk about death but what do you know, you’re never too young to die.

I don’t know shit but life is neither here nor there. I have never come to grips that a fellow human being could be so callous towards another. I can go on to give several examples of what I am talking about in the hands of people and the governments. It’s about the bitter experience of life we have to go through because we are gays. It’s about betrayal of the highest order, it galls me to think about it. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of vengeance.

I feel like taking arms and going after the traitor Obasanjo but it is not about fighting, it’s about our personality. Can we fight ourselves, without being hard on one another? Since we are betrayed in the most painful and abominable way, but as I said earlier I wont fight Obasanjo, rather leave everything to fate.

Definitely we all can’t be heroes, but mark my word, this kind of betrayal will not go uncorrected by God, that is my belief. And I am certain that it will be so in a very short time. Yes we are presently going through the worst period of our lives. Now we are losing but as it appears there is nothing to continue to live for but brothers, it’s just a phase in our lives; it will eventually pass away and one day too we will laugh loud indeed…for those that are heroes take care and remain blessed.

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