Ian Stubbs, a supporter of Changing Attitude England, posted the following article to the CA Facebook group. Ian says it has been adapted from another discussion group and is just to raise a few smiles. It certainly brought smiles of recognition to my face.
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The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, collectively known as “God,” issued a statement this morning that, in light of its ever declining membership and relevance, they are leaving the Church of England. The statement read, in part, “This church just isn’t what it used to be, and quite frankly we’re tired of the way we’ve been treated.”
The news brought a mixed response across the denomination. Liberals were divided. Some welcomed the news, noting “God’s departure is very freeing if you think about it. After all, our times call for a more enlightened deity figure and we’ve already been advocating for that for a long time.” Others denounced the announcement as a hoax, “We’ve known for some time that God is a metaphor, and metaphors don’t release press statements.
Conservatives, for their part, expressed disappointment with God’s decision but vowed to press on. “We will certainly miss God, but will continue sing his praises and our fight to gain control of the Church of England’s central institutions to return to a more biblically based church which favours religious belief over sexual orientation—a fight we’ve often waged without God anyway.” Others expressed a desire to go with God, but confessed an inability to do so given the uncertainty of the consequences. They pledged, nonetheless, to cherish the memory of God’s past involvement with the Anglican Church, high and low, and pray that God will return to the fold.
The House of Bishops have released the following Statement:
Undoubtedly, you have now heard the news of God’s departure. First, we recognize that we are not of one mind and spirit on how to respond. We all note, with great sadness, that feelings have been hurt. On the one hand, God has hurt the feelings of some of you by leaving and we pray for your feelings. On the other hand, some have been hurt by God’s previous staying, and we pray for your feelings too. We shall shortly publish plans to enable these different feelings and views regarding God’s departure to be shared through good disagreement. But be assured, no outcome will be expected or intended.
Second, we encourage you to recognize that God’s departure is not as serious as it could have been. The work of the Church Commissioners and budgets of our Central Boards together with the salaries of bishops and clergy will be completely unaffected by this development. There is also no reason why bishops should not continue to sit in the House of Lords.
Finally we ask each of you to pray for unity for this great Church of ours. Above all else, our unity is what unites us and the greater our unity, the more united we will be.